A Mommy Gets Angry?

November 6th 2009 Emotional intelligence Share Tweet

I remember a client saying to me, when he first heard I was having a child, “Oh good… the so called expert at Emotional Intelligence is gonna finally learn that she can’t control everything!”. LOL

Photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/gumuz/

My son is going to be two years old in a few weeks and I am now in full understanding of just what joy my client took out of saying that to me! Jack, much like my little sister used to, has an ability to bring about instantaneous rage within me. Yup – I said it. Rage. Anger. Sudden and often disconcerting. It likely surprises me more than it does him.

I have noticed that it is not something that mommies seem able to talk about. No mother sat down with me to share her experiences over anger, like they all wanted to share the pains of giving birth! Why is it so horrible to express anger? As a so called expert in EQ, I teach my clients that all emotion accessed is healthy and provides good data for you in your life. Well, here is data for me about what winds me up suddenly:

  • When he screams or cries without explanation but seemingly about not getting his own way
  • When he says “no” and he gets that look of stubbornness (that I am sure my parentes would recognize in me!)

The bottom line, for me anyway, is that I get angry when I am suddenly and completely out of control and to make matters worse you can’t communicate with a two year old to get all the information and negotiate. LOL Joke is on me! I have a feeling, that we are required to go through this parenting journey to remind us that we are NOT in control of anything but truly ourselves.

My clients are gonna laugh but if I were coaching me, I would strongly remind me that anger is often fear based and suggest I look beneath it and figure out what it is. Anger isn’t bad. Mothers and Fathers need not feel ashamed that their buttons are pushed and they get angry. Welcome to parenthood, welcome to life. What I do hope for, for me and for anyone else, is that we learn to recognize what is really causing the anger, better communicate when we have access to it and learn to manage that anger in an adult way. Afterall, it is what we do with that anger that counts most of all. I am doing my best to model that and I still have a lot of work to do!

Now, when is that little bugger gonna learn to put his toys away!? ;)

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