With over two decades of managerial and entrepreneurial experience, Jeff brings his experience in commercial lending and analysis, investment planning and business development consulting. Prior to joining Axletree, Jeff built a successful venture capital company. A financial industry veteran and seasoned consultant, working with leaders, Jeff knows full well that the difference between a successful business and an unsuccessful one is not just in its cashflow but how well management team can lead.

Jeff’s current focus at Axletree includes managing Axletree’s business development from the GTA to the Tri-cities. With his warm leadership style and his exposure to a variety of organizations through a cross section of industries, he will provide Axletree clients with a broad knowledge base and expertise to weather change, align your people and consistently deliver on initiatives. Known by his clients as a man with integrity, he brings warmth, determination and experience to all his projects.

In that vain, she launched a second business called DentalBizz Practice Innovators in April 2007 with partners Steve Smith and Cheryl Hooghiem. That business now resides under Axletree as a brand new line of business and is expanding to include practice management consulting for all dental and medical doctors wishing to improve patient care and their bottom line.

Visit DentalBizz to learn more about practice management consulting for dentists and stay tuned for more programs.

Enjoy!

What happens to you when you’re feeling attacked? Attacked is a strong word and I will get to that in a minute but let’s first process our reaction when we get offered some data or information that we were not expecting. In my case, just this week, I could literally feel my body recoil and then spring forward, almost as if I was physically hit and then sprang forward to hit back. Clearly I did not get hit or hit back but that is absolutely how I reacted. My friend’s words felt like an attack to me and I sprang forward with defensiveness. My style was aggressive defensive. I came out swinging, at least verbally.

Because of my experience in emotional intelligence, moments later I was able to quickly sit back and reflect on what the heck happened. We ALL have those moments where we react to something and later think, “Oh good god, that could have gone much better!”. When those moments happen take time to reflect on:

• What are you thinking? (i.e. your assumptions or judgements or stories of that person)
• What are you feeling?
• What are you wanting?

In my case, I was thinking, “he wanted to hurt me”, I was feeling judged, disappointed that he didn’t really know me and pushed away, and I was wanting to attack back and protect myself. It’s important to reflect on the moment and really get honest with yourself about your reactions. Upon reflection, I know his intent really was not to hurt me. I trust that now, even if my fight or flight response didn’t in the moment. I did, however, become aware of my own assumptions about his intent and I know I now need to check those out with him, if anything, just to build and grow our friendship. Even the great relationships need to enhance and build trust.

Alright, let me go back to my word at the beginning when I called his words an attack. They aren’t literally an attack but they felt that way to me. When I am working with people on their relationships I will introduce them to the concept of a “Hard Start”. A hard start (versus a soft one) is when you choose to start a conversation that is harder, more aggressive with words that are judgemental in nature. Oftentimes this happens when the person delivering the opinion is also feeling defensive. Before offering someone your opinion or perspective take time to:

• Be clear on your intent in delivering the opinion.
• Identify fact versus interpretation. If you are assigning judgement to someone’s behavior, identify the observable behavior and state your assumption or interpretation of it so that you can get clarity.
• Be prepared to own the impact of your words. Don’t start the conversation unless you’re ready to engage for a while. Your words WILL have an impact. Own it, stay for it and sit with your friend or colleague and sort through till the conversation is complete for both of you.

As for me, I will go back to my friend and ask that we finish our conversation. If we both care about each other and trust the intentions are good, we will strengthen our trust and our relationship.

In my work as a change management consultant, I work with leaders and their teams to help them find alignment. I facilitate agreement on the current state of business, the vision of the future and the steps for getting there. I use my expertise in emotional intelligence to observe and listen for values and belief systems that are often unshared or unconscious. I want my clients to learn what my son (likely most children) already possess – an innate curiosity! Jack reminded me that when something happens TO you, it isn’t always about you. He decided to not judge it and explore it with curiosity and amusement. I would imagine my clients would be delighted to learn that I am not teaching him… but he is teaching me.

I have noticed that it is not something that mommies seem able to talk about. No mother sat down with me to share her experiences over anger, like they all wanted to share the pains of giving birth! Why is it so horrible to express anger? As a so called expert in EQ, I teach my clients that all emotion accessed is healthy and provides good data for you in your life. Well, here is data for me about what winds me up suddenly:

• When he screams or cries without explanation but seemingly about not getting his own way
• When he says “no” and he gets that look of stubbornness (that I am sure my parentes would recognize in me!)

The bottom line, for me anyway, is that I get angry when I am suddenly and completely out of control and to make matters worse you can’t communicate with a two year old to get all the information and negotiate. LOL Joke is on me! I have a feeling, that we are required to go through this parenting journey to remind us that we are NOT in control of anything but truly ourselves.

My clients are gonna laugh but if I were coaching me, I would strongly remind me that anger is often fear based and suggest I look beneath it and figure out what it is. Anger isn’t bad. Mothers and Fathers need not feel ashamed that their buttons are pushed and they get angry. Welcome to parenthood, welcome to life. What I do hope for, for me and for anyone else, is that we learn to recognize what is really causing the anger, better communicate when we have access to it and learn to manage that anger in an adult way. Afterall, it is what we do with that anger that counts most of all. I am doing my best to model that and I still have a lot of work to do!

Now, when is that little bugger gonna learn to put his toys away!?

In my work, I teach that everyone is primarily emotional. Everything that people do, or refrain from doing, is triggered by their deeper emotions, whether you’re conscious of it or not. “Emotional Intelligence” (or EQ) refers to your capacity to recognize your own feelings and those of others, for motivating yourself, and for managing emotions well in yourself and in your relationships. Self Management is one component of EQ and according to the work of Goleman it includes:

• Emotional self-control: Keeping disruptive emotions and impulses under control
• Transparency: Displaying honesty and integrity; trustworthiness
• Adaptability: Flexibility in adapting to changing situations or overcoming obstacles
• Achievement: The drive to improve performance to meet inner standards of excellence
• Initiative: Readiness to act and seize opportunities
• Optimism: Seeing the upside in events

Perhaps wee Jack was quiet for the first half hour of the Oktoberfesting because he was getting the lay of the land? Perhaps he wasn’t being shy but was taking in his surroundings and self managing? His expression of joy was definitely transparent and while he had never been to this kind of event before he certainly learned to adapt in record time. He ran across the room and dove into my arms over and over and over again, perfecting his leap and his shouts of laughter and each time he saw empty space on the dance floor, he took the initiative to fill that space!

So what’s the bottom line for me in this reflective note? It is either:

1. Notice when you’re not expressing your joy and figure out why. I am always amazed in my coaching sessions to learn how many clients are just as afraid of joy as they are anger. So… is it a fear that you will be judged or do you believe that others can’t handle it and you’re wrong? Make sure you know the difference between fact and interpretation in each moment. Or…
2. Perhaps this is me being the “optimist” and hoping that I am doing something right as I attempt to raise a happy, healthy, and emotionally intelligent child… or …I am simply delusional and need to acknowledge I have little or no control.